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Encountering denial, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is saying no, delivering a clear “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started pitching articles 50 years back, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and countless short stories. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a setback every few days—adding up to over 100 annually. Overall, rejections in my profession run into thousands. At this point, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Not at all. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: At this point, nearly everyone and others has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 submissions in a row before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a project. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, every no stung. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? Why would editors be ignore my ability?
• Next, denial. Maybe it’s the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of writers whose work was at first rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined numerous times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my senior age, I entered the seventh stage of rejection. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why someone says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in progress, or just be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or the reader believes I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the business for the work I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my work too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are permanently not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my punctuation, especially dashes, was offensive.

The essence is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better accept rejection at my age, because my, small achievements have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what lessons have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What